A Tribute to Joy McNulty: A Beacon of Community & Compassion
Life is a journey filled with changes, challenges, and moments of joy and sorrow. For me, my world changed forever on February 4th with the passing of my friend and mentor Joy McNulty. She was a pillar of our community.
As a kid growing up in Provincetown, the ultimate job for me was working at the Lobster Pot, jobs were coveted and people never left. I was fortunate to get a job as a host and cashier. It was the mid-eighties and the giants of Provincetown hospitality were there – Mary Brock, Sharlene Marchette, Felix Catino, Betty Villari, Paul Asher-Best, David Asher, Abby Orton, Madeline Miller, and Joy McNulty just to name a few. It was the beginning of an incredible time in my life, not only did I learn about hospitality, but I also learned a lot about community, giving, and sharing. I knew from my parents the importance of serving your community and at the Lobster Pot, I got to experience what community service was all about.
The Lobster Pot is not just a food service institution, it is a community institution, and at the center of that spirit of community was Joy. I must think that when Joy was born her parents knew she was going to be something special as they named her Mary Joy and Joy is truly who she was. She is to me, Joyful.
Joy was not the person who needed to be asked, she was the person who just jumped in. She was the person who held the benefits for the Center for Coastal Studies, donated money when the fire department needed a piece of equipment, hosted a fundraiser when a boat sinks in the harbor, donated seats for the annual Chef’s table dinner for the AIDS Support Group. I could go on, but you get the picture and for those of you who knew her, you are rattling off in your head so many other organizations and events. Compassion was in her blood; it ran deep and it ran strong.
Provincetown has been fortunate to have had several women who have run successful businesses but for me, there are few who rise to level of Joy. She took chances, she learned how to operate in a seasonal environment, and provide for her family and employees on a year-round basis. She also knew how to expand her tent, people who worked at the Lobster Pot stayed for years, their children worked there, and they remained a part of the family. Many people left to start their own businesses, Joy was a cheerleader, hoping for their success. Joy understood that when one person succeeded, the entire community benefited—a true testament to the saying, "A rising tide lifts all boats."
From the day the Pot opened in April until closing day, Joy was at what we all refer to as the rope. She was the greeter but many of us remember when she ran the floor. She hosted nightly starting in 1976 at the Clambake and then in 1979 at the Lobster Pot. She walked that floor more times than anyone could imagine, she could tell you that A-1 was almost done, B-3 was waiting on food, where was Misty? E-2 did not seem to like something as they were just pushing it around and D-12 loved everything but needed a check. She could read a room like no one else I have ever known. She was the ultimate teacher in hospitality 101.
Her customers were so very important to her, she knew them, their kids, parents, and grandchildren. She carried many screaming babies so that their parents could enjoy a meal. They became her friends, she visited them, and they visited her. When there was a line, many of her regulars would go to the head of the line and say they were FOJ’s (friends of Joy). I still see customers that I met in my early days at the Pot, many have become residents. Our recently departed dear friend, the Rev (John Nelson), and his wife Terese were frequent visitors to the restaurant. Steve and Betsy Melamed had countless meals and conversations before opening Bayside Betsy’s and buying the Stormy Harbor. Dr. Rick Murray was a frequent guest before opening Mussel Beach and later buying the Crown with our old pal Bill Dougal. Joy’s desire for a community within the restaurant has resulted in more friendships than one can count.
Today I write this, I picture her in action, I hear the hustle and bustle of the dining room, her cringing just a little when Carlos threw a dish in the bus pan, and it made a crashing sound. It was exhilarating!
When there was not enough business to stay open, she found a place in New Hampshire to operate in the winter. The Oxen Yoke not only provided winter work, but it expanded the tent. The family grew. An aside for those who did not know it, but Michael Duplessis a/k/a Pearlene was working as a cook at the Oxen Yoke when the McNulty’s arrived in North Conway. He came to Provincetown to work for one season and never left. He passed way too soon but what a mark he left on us. We also met Jane Corrigan who has remained a dear friend, a huge supporter, and a great singer for so many of our events, along with her amazing family.
Several years later she decided to keep the restaurant open year-round and did so for many years. We worked many nights serving very few dinners but Joy was happy that we had the work. She knew first-hand the struggles of making it in a seasonal economy, but she never gave up. She knew how important it was for people to be able to survive and thrive in this community.
As a women business leader, she knew the importance of empowering women, whether it was giving guidance to someone starting out in business or making sure that she was there for the opening, that she supported them and encouraged others to do the same.
Beyond work, Joy introduced me to great people – Bob and Del Sullivan, Uncle Larry and Pam (Joy’s baby brother), Ward Cromer, Patti Kane, and Susan Pecora. (I could go on but again those who knew are listing friends right now). She introduced me to the importance of having beautiful original artwork in your life.
Joy raised 4 of her own kids and countless others, she instilled in all of us the importance of working hard and giving back. She spent her life giving to all of us, whether it was a life lesson, a gift or just her unconditional love. Every call I had with her ended with an “I love you” and I know how much she meant it. She has been a best friend for more years than I can remember, she is the one I called when something was wrong, when I needed business advice, or when I just needed reassurance that things were going to be okay.
Several years ago, at a HOW event, I had the chance to thank Joy, for being who she was, for being my friend, and for teaching me more than I could have ever imagined. I love you Joy and along with your kids, grandkids, and all the other kids you raised, how proud we are to have been a part of your life! Or as Joy said to all of us and practiced for almost 50 years, “thanking you for sharing”
As we celebrate Women’s History Month this March 2025, let’s take a moment and be grateful for those women who made or who make a difference in our lives. Provincetown.com will be sharing stories all month long online and on our social media channels.
If you would like to make a donation in Joy’s memory please visit https://helpingourwomen.org/donate/ or you can send a check to Helping Our Women, 34 Conwell Street Unit 34, Provincetown MA 02657, please note on donation: “the Joy fund”
Written by Steven Roderick